CAR

Something happened to me today that very rarely happens.


I went to work in one of those car things. Yeah, me, Person on a Bicycle was Person in a Car for once.


Now, I will never claim to be a good driver (I have a habit of mounting kerbs and it took me five times to pass my driving test. On the last time the tester said that she was passing me because, and I repeat, because; I was "not great at driving, but you're probably not going to kill anyone."), but nothing, nothing could have prepared me for what lay ahead. I didn't get attacked by a dog. I didn't get sworn at. I didn't see Weird Shit. I didn't even feel like I was going to die every time something passed me. For one day I was a god, and it was going to feel good. I can see why people like doing this car thing, it's like you are still in your house, but travelling to work all the same.

The sky was a troubled grey, with wind and rain battering my metal and glass shell, but it was I who was going to have a good laugh at all those Losers on a Bicycle for a change. But hold on, they were over taking me! What the funbells? I was stuck in traffic jams and those arrogant sons of beach-balls on two wheels were over-taking me! Can I not go in any form of transport where someone doesn't speed past me like a maniac who has just escaped from the scene of their latest stab-athon? 


I tell you, by the end of the day I wanted to rip off my windscreen wiper and ram it into the lycra-ed chest of the next smarmy glow-in-the-dark pants who tried to slide, ever-so-easily past me.