ALIENS part 2 (which was ALIEN3 i think)

So, last time I recounted how I was run off the road by some crazy-assed dock wipe driving a UFO like they owned the planet. Well, I was so shaken up by this Close Encounter that I decided to leave the road of mystery and continue my epic struggle to get home on the canal path. Little did I know what was waiting for me on that route of twilight mysteries...that was because it hadn't happened yet...but it was just about to...


I pottered along the path, feeling relieved to be off the road and away from the Fear Of Real Stuff (FORS), but it wasn't long before the Fear Of Made Up Stuff (FOMUS) came at me like a crack tramp on acid. Questions raised their heads in my brain like ugly children at a birthday party. What was that just out of my field of vision? What was that sound in my ear holes? My speed increased. Soon I was flying along at almost maximum warp, oblivious to the hideous situation I was about to slam head-first into.


Suddenly, I saw something white step across the path about 20 metres ahead of me, from the canal and into the hedgerow, it's dark, oval eyes shining at me. What was it? I quickly arrived at where I had seen the thing walk, or maybe trot across, but as I slowed I could seen no trace of anything traceable.

Don't look at it! It's trying to use it's mind control on you so you don't believe my story!

I was distracted then by shouts and calls from up ahead by the Dundas Aqueduct. As I drew closer I could see the lights of many torches flashing in all directions like a gang of over-excited chameleons' eyes with beams of light coming out of them. I was shocked to see that the people holding the flashlights were police officers in search gear, in their other hands they held long sticks, which I assumed was for rummaging in the foliage and undergrowth. 


But what were they looking for?


They totally ignored me as I carefully negotiated my way past them and I only caught a few snatched words of what they were saying, but a chill ran the length of my spine all the same, "Bloody training courses", "Effin' chilly tonight", "Hey look, mine is a lightsaber, waaannng waaaannng!".


Telling words.


I put two and two together. It was a four that equalled the white thing was an escaped Alien, (and not a deer as my case worker has suggested), with the police in on the cover-up and trying to catch it. This was confirmed to me by what happened next.


I was so engrossed in what the police were up to that I let my inbuilt Crusty Juggler Canal Boat Person guard down. Out of nowhere one staggered towards me reaching out to grab my arm with it's filthy claws, "She's gone!" it wailed, it's fuggy, fetid breath wafting towards me in great alcoholic clouds, "She's gone, and she took all the feckin' 'ome brew wiv 'er." Water was leaking from his eye holes and snot was running out of his red hooter. It looked like a clown who had just been told that he could no longer go within 500 metres of a playground.

ALIEN BOOB JUGGLIN' FREAK.

"Your Alien lover almost run me over on the road after she left you," I blurted. "She was driving her spaceship like a looney, but don't worry because she must have stopped and got out because I saw her going across the canal path, but watch out, a police search team are after her. What planet is she from? Is it nice having sex with her? Have Aliens got great boobs?"


For some reason, the crusty one backed off rapidly with a look on his face which I think was of horror, fear and despair.


Some people just won't be helped.

How I imagine they were in happier times. One filthy river dweller and their alien/deer Hybrid love interest.